Sleeping Beauty... "What a Cutie!"

I thought the guilty feeling would go away after being a parent for a few years, but it seems to be getting worse.

Let me explain… for most of the past (nearly) 6 years, I’ve been reading a bedtime story for Isabella. The ritual has been: Prepare bedtime milk, either carry or chase my baby girl up the stairs to her bedroom, place her on the bed, turn on the lamp, read her a chapter of a book (or a whole book), give her a good night kiss and tell her “I Love Her”, turn off the lights, she asks me to hug her while she falls asleep and I do as I’m told, and then we both snore the night away until my wife, Karm, wakes me up.

Since this past Monday however, we’ve been following the same ritual until I turn off the lights. It is at this point that I gently pull away from Isabella (while she’s hanging onto my hand) and promise her that I’ll be in the next room taking care of my share of housework (laundry, tidying up, picking up after Brayden, doing dishes, etc). After about 15 minutes I walk back into the Isabella’s room only to find my little princess fast asleep. It’s here that I feel cheated and suddenly overcome with great sense of guilt. I just don’t think it’s fair that Isabella falls asleep without her dad.

We all start pulling away from family ever so slowly in the name of “growing up” and “independence”. It’s a different start for everyone… for me and Isabella it seems to have started with my baby princess falling sleep on her own. I just hope I can replace “independence” with “interdependence”… I think I can handle the latter better.

Thanks for reading,

Armin

PS. She promised me this morning that I can hold her hand and walk her to school until she is 20. When I told her that she’ll be in university by then, she said “that’s OK; you can drive me to school then!”



Incidentally, I'm reading her A.A. Milne's The Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh



*** I borrowed the title of this blog entry from the "Sleeping Beauty Pantomime" that Isabella, Karm and I attended a couple of years ago!

Ice-cream Cures the “Blues”

I have failed to keep couple of my promises; one was not to complain and the other was not to pay too much attention to the news. Both are very hard habits to break. It’s kind of funny how I had an easier time with quitting cigarettes than I did with complaining and reading the papers.

Speaking of cigarettes, it’s hard to believe that it’s been nearly 10 months since I had the last smoke. Mind you, there’re times that I miss it dearly… but just like everything else, once it’s dead there’s no turning back.

So today, as I was riding the bus home, I just stared out the window and watched life pass by on the outside. Isn’t it funny how fast we can leave life behind when we’re not paying attention to our surroundings? Next time, pay attention to that pedestrian that walks by your car or bus while you’re sitting there behind a red light. Notice how she simply walks by you? Moments later, as you begin to drive away, try to locate her in your rear-view mirror. Do you see her? Now, try to pay attention to other drivers and passersby as you drive… notice how fast you’re passing them or vice-versa? Yup, each passing second is one that is irreplaceable so make sure you’re doing something with it… whatever that is.

Speaking of fast, Brayden is graduating from his half crawl and half roll (let’s call it CROWLL) and is beginning to terrorize us by hanging onto stuff while pulling himself up to his knees (his cute attempt at standing up). I don’t understand his mad fascination with his cuddly foot-ball (soccer ball), which is both cute and disturbing as he spends more time talking to his ball than with his parents. It kind of reminds me of Wilson in Tom Hanks’ Cast Away.

As for Isabella, she showed a serious sign of growing up the other day… you see, she’s been receiving a daily allowance of $1.00. Last Sunday, I had the “blues”. So instead of bugging my family (which I do anyways) I just stepped outside on the front porch and let the sun warm my face. About 10 minutes into my “self-treatment”, Isabella stepped out onto the porch, all dressed up, and took my hand and said “let’s go for a walk dad, I’m buying you ice-cream with my allowance”. Suddenly, Isabella was no longer a toddler; she was a young girl that saw her dad needing some cheering up and took action. Sun or no sun, my day was suddenly so much brighter.

Next time, I’ll buy you an ice-cream if you’re feeling “blue”.

Thanks for reading,

Armin

PS. Brayden and Karm joined us for the ice-cream and poor Isabella ended up spending $14.97 of her allowance on three super-scoop ice-creams in waffle cones. It’ll take her another 2 weeks to recuperate the money from us J

Thanks; No Thanks! (a poem)

Thanks for giving him life,

Thanks for pretending you were in his life.

Thanks for providing for him,

Thanks for not providing anything.

Thanks for the love and the hugs,

Thanks for being absent.

Thanks for your kindness,

        Thanks for the insults and hurtfulness.

Thanks for being a family and a friend,

Thanks for being a nobody.

Thanks for being there every step of the way,

Thanks for vanishing.

Thanks for the memories,

        Thanks for the nightmares.

Thanks for risking your life,

Thanks for your selfishness.

Thanks for being so forgiving,

Thanks for not giving anything.

Thanks for teaching him about life,

        Thanks for teaching him not to be you.

Thanks God for having you in his life,

        Thanks heavens for having a life without you.

Thanks for everything,

Thanks for nothing.

Thanks for reading; may you be surrounded by those that love you and empty of those that don’t.

Armin