A.J. Mamma (aka A Swiss-Cheese Type of a Relationship)

Please allow me to translate the title of this blog before I confuse everyone: A.J. Mamma means Uncle A.J. in Punjabi. Mamma means Maternal Uncle (Mother’s Brother, in case further clarification is requiredJ).

It’s amazing how relationships are developed, maintained, rebuilt, flourished and cherished. But what is even more amazing is the way two individuals can come together after a long period of separation and pick-up where they left off without a hitch.

We’ve all had those relationships (or I hope most of you have had a pleasure of such a beautiful thing). For example, I have a friend that I don’t see all the time (even though he only lives 15 minutes away) but when we see each other it’s like we’ve never been away. Our friendship does not require maintenance or a steady connection to survive.

My daughter is going through the same experience as I write this. Isabella’s A.J. Mamma (my brother-in-law) lives in Washington, DC and every year or two he visits us if his busy schedule allows him to. Between visits, he may connect with Isabella once or twice a month by phone, so in fact their relationship has a lot of holes and gaps in it. Nevertheless, I’m absolutely astonished by the connection between the two and how attached Isabella is to her A.J. Mamma.

I’ve tried to come up with my own theories: Is it blood? Is it the fact the A.J. gives his uninterrupted attention to Isabella when the two are together? Or is it simply the fact that the two don’t see each other often enough to get on each others’ “bad side”? (I’m kidding.)

Regardless, it’s a pleasure to watch the two of them interact. Deep down, they both know that the joy they are experiencing is short lived and predetermined, nevertheless, they make sure they take advantage of every minute they have together.

At the end of A.J. Mamma’s last visit, Isabella had tears in her eyes for a day or two. As she gets older, I suspect the heartaches are going to last a bit longer. However, my wish for the two of them is a long-lasting uncle-niece relationship, regardless of how many holes and gaps it may have.

 

A.J. Mamma & Isabella playing football (of the real kind) in the toy room!

Thank you for reading,

Armin

Being Grateful Requires Work!

It all started with a friend’s Facebook general status update that stated: “Could all the people bitching about the mundane things in their life please just be grateful for your health and everything you have.”

Instinctively, I “liked” the comment on Facebook.

But just as quickly, I realized something: I’m also one of those individuals that “bitches” about the mundane things in life such as the weather, traffic, line up at the local Walmart, the length of time it takes to restart my computer, when to have dinner (or what to have for dinner), when to go to the gym and when to sort through the printed pictures, which subsequently need to be placed in the album. Oh, did I mentioned all the complaints about commute to and from work, work itself, the people at work, those that don’t yet work with me but want to, and on and on.

But before you judge, lets remember that we all find something to complain about. Here’s an example: Have you yet complained about the weather? How about the way you were treated by someone else on your way to school or work? How often have you looked at your digital clock only to complain about how early you have to wake up every morning to go to work?

So here’s my pledge: From now on, I will not complain about the mundane things… I will be grateful for waking up in the mornings to see the sun (or in our case, imagine the sun behind the clouds) once again; I’ll be grateful for having a beautiful wife to cuddle with and children to embrace; I’ll be grateful for having my parents to disagree with and siblings to fight with; I’ll be grateful for having a job to go to every weekday, Monday to Friday from 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM J, which pays my mortgage and my bills; I’ll be grateful for having a car to drive to work with; I’ll be grateful for having a beautiful house to come home to, with a beautiful flower garden in the front and a veggie garden in the back yard. I’ll be grateful for the food that’s in my fridge and on my plate.

But most importantly, I’m grateful for my health and the gift that has been entrusted with me called life!

Thanks for reading,

Armin

PS. Thank you my Facebook friend for stating the obvious and making me think about it!

There's a ravine just behind the plants... you can see it if you look hard enough!

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Unconditional Trust

When was the last time you really trusted someone? I mean trusted them without any previous introduction! I mean you saw someone and you knew that you could, without any doubt, trust them with your life!

When was the last time you trusted someone unconditionally?

(To be honest with you, I don’t really know who came up with the phrase “Unconditional Trust”. I tried to conduct an online research to find the origin but wasn’t successful. Regardless, I thank the person that came up with it.)

For me, it was a little over 13 years ago and the result was the creation of amazing friendships, which resulted in me marrying the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and subsequently having two beautiful children (I’m knocking on wood, keeping my fingers crossed and praying to God as I type this… yup, I’m a little superstitious).

From Left to Right: Houman, Sashie, Me, Jitesh

Sometime in April 1998, two of my friends, Jitesh and Houman, and I were celebrating a personal milestone on

Robson Street

when we met couple of girls from Richmond, Wendy and Rav. We asked them to join in the celebration; after a brief hesitation they agreed.

From Left (Clockwise): Me, Tony, Wendy, Natalie, Chris, Rav, Isabella (our daughter), Karm (my lovely wife)

Less than couple of weeks later, in May 1998, I met the woman of my dreams, who happened to be a friend of my new “girl friends”; she was the most beautiful, astonishing and strong-headed individual I had (have) ever met.

14 months later, on July 10, 1999, I married her and never looked back.

Now imagine if Wendy and Rav did not accept our invitation that very first time we met? What if they would’ve just taken off instead of demonstrating an absolute and unconditional trust in three twenty-something guys that were “cruising” Robson Street? What if we wouldn’t have continued on with that newly formed friendship? What if my wife did not trust her friends’ judgment? What if my wife wouldn’t have accepted their invitation to join us at Second Beach on that warm May evening?

I don’t imagine my friends and I would be where we are today without demonstrating “unconditional trust” that very first time we met.

Brief diversion from the story:

So what is unconditional trust? In their academic article, The Experience & Evolution of Trust; Implications for Cooperation & Teamwork, Gareth R. Jones & Jennifer M. George define it this way: “Unconditional trust . . . characterizes an experience of trust that starts when individuals abandon the "pretense" of suspending belief, because shared values now structure the social situation and become the primary vehicle through which those individuals experience trust. With unconditional trust each party's trustworthiness is now assured, based on confidence in the other's values that is backed up by empirical evidence derived from repeated behavioral interactions—knowledge of which is contained in each individual's attitude toward the other . . . when unconditional trust is present, relationships become significant and often involve a sense of mutual identification . . .”

To personalize it, here’s how I would define Unconditional Trust: It’s when an individuals abandons his or her fears and prejudices, and wholeheartedly believes in the goodness of others.

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To my lovely wife, I’d like thank you for your

unconditional trust since May 1^, 1998. Thank you for putting up with me since then; I hope you’re looking forward to another 53 plus years of marriage.

To my dear friends and readers, thank you for reading and may your life be full of “unconditional trust”!  

Armin

PS. Wendy ended up marrying one of my best friends Tony (see 2nd group photo above)!

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World Population: Just under 1,000 and climbing (Final Part)

Brining it all home!!!

Many of you have been anxiously waiting to know the reason behind the title of “World Population” series of blogs. I think it is time to share the meaning with you. Thank you for being patient.

The title meant to indicate how I have decided to focus on what Stephen Covey, the author of the best-selling book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, calls “Circle of Influence”. He writes, “Proactive people focus their efforts on their Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about: health, children, and problems at work. Reactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern--things over which they have little or no control: the national debt, terrorism, the weather. Gaining an awareness of the areas in which we expend our energies in is a giant step in becoming proactive.”

What I noticed was that I was starting to allow myself to be influenced by “external forces”, such as the news media, which resulted in me having a negative perception of our beautiful world. Everything started to bother me: Traffic gridlock in China, wars in far-off lands, natural disasters in every part of the world, oil sands and pollutions, riots, cancer causing agents, and all the rest of “biblical” signs that the end of the world is near.

This is not to say that this transformation took place overnight. Quiet the contrary! This transformation was a result of 39 years of personal experiences, which included witnessing the infamous “1979 Iran Revolution” firsthand, living under oppressive and dictatorial government, immigrating from country to country until finding a home, watching parents struggle to provide a comfortable life for their children, viewing live-feed of natural disasters from all corners of the world, etc.

So I decided to do something about it: I shrank the world population to just under 1,000. This group includes my immediate and extended families, friends, colleagues (past, present and future), and those that will have a positive impact on my being, including Stephen Covey, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Sir Richard Branson, Walt Disney (I know I’m going to take some heat for this one),  the 14^th Dalai Lama, and all religious books including the Bible, the Qur’an , the Torah and the Talmud, The Analects, Bhagavad Gita, Five Classics, Tao-te-ching, Upanishads, Veda, and the Guru Granth Sahib.

I think this will be a great start to the next 40 plus years of my life and beyond!

Thank you for reading,

Armin

PS. The above list of my “Circle of Influence” is not limited to those individuals that I have named or the books that I have listed. It will be an evolving list, hence the title “World Population: Just under 1,000 and climbing”. So I look forward to your recommendations on other writers, influential people, etc.

PPS. I haven’t stopped watching or listening to the news, I’ve just become more selective as to what is important to me and those that matter to me, including you, my friend.

Related Blogs:

• World Population: Just under 1,000 and climbing (Part 1)
• World Population: Just under 1,000 and climbing (Part 2) – Security Cameras
• 1994 Riots: Only a year later…
• Racism is just “peachy"!